one month left.

Time is precious. now i really appreciate time..Only left one month for us. Cub....don't leave me. ;( please....im afraid to go on with this life alone. nobody understands me like you do..you know me well..you know every part of me. the bad and the good in me. Cub, i've no one else that could understand me better than u. Why you have to leave me..why this have to end. You know, every time i meet you, deep in my heart, i hide my tears my sadness. I'll be missing u so much, ur smile, how u care bout me..how we used to quarrel over small things..i miss u cub.

Your last msg.

........."Gi mamposlah u dgn perangai u".. humm..nice words. Sakit mendalam. Dulu bila aku duk marah2 mcm ni..kau yg duk nasihat aku..mbebel kata jgn duk baran. Cakap jgn ikut mulut, jgn ikut marah je. Tp skang tgk la sapa yg buat prangai mcm ni. wow... Tuhan tu ada wey..lain kali jgn ckp org. Bile kat hometown prangai dia nih lain sgt. baik je dgn aku..even bile kita gadoh sikit, dia la plg cool, xnk gado2..msg aku slalu..(sbb apa nak tau? sbb dia lonely kat sana kawan2 jauh) tp bila balik shah alam..humm..x terkata. nauzubillah perangai dia. berlagak x ingat dunia. even sebelah mata pun x pandang aku. x heran lgsg lah aku ada ke x dlm hidup dia. layan aku mcm taik. bila aku tanya baik2, napa x msg..jawapan nak pedas aje. dulu bleh je slalu msg aku, skang mcm2. 1001 alasan bg pastu bila bertanya skit..mmg naik angin satu badan mcm aku ni dah bunuh kucing dia (issue kucing mmg plg dia pentingkan, sbb tu bg contoh kucing dia) xpe. Allah tu ada. Hari ni hari dia..Ingat lah..manusia xkan sentiasa berada kat atas. Satu hari, bila2 masa je boleh jatuh..

speechless but this lyric really meant something.

I don't know but I believe
That some things are meant to be
And that you'll make a better me
Everyday I love you
I never thought that dreams came true
But you showed me that they do
You know that I learn somethng new
Everyday I love you
'Cos I believe that destiny
Is out of our control (don't you know that I do)
And you'll never live until you love
With all your heart and soul.
It's a touch when I feel bad
It's a smile when I get mad
All the little things I am
Everyday I love you
Everyday I love you
Everyday I love you
'Cos I believe that destiny
Is out of our control (don't you know that I do)
And you'll never live until you love
With all your heart and soul
If I asked would you say yes?
Together we're the very best
I know that I am truly blessed
Everyday I love you
And I'll give you my best
Everyday I love you

2008-2011

few months back before December,28th,2008. Started to feel awkward between us.however I loved those feeling. hummm...mcm2 yg aku dah lalui. Sakit, perit, pedih, panas sume skali dlm satu masa pun aku pernah rasa. Xpe. Aku sabar..ni sume dugaan kat aku. org kate sbb cinta manusia boleh binasa gak. well that's me. Aku lalui sume ni sorang2. Xde siapa pun yg aku ngadu setiap kali di hurt teruk mcm tu. Aku pernah demam satu mlm..duduk dlm bilik berapa hari senyapkan diri..menangis dlm gelap..terduduk atas lantai sampai x tertahan sakit kt hati ni. Ya Allah, punyelah teruk yg aku hadapi ni. Derita sgt. Aku tetap sabar tunggu. X pernah lgsg give up. Apapun skali dia buat. aku senyap aku sabar. selama 24 bulan lebih aku tanggung semua ni.. airmata ni sampai kdg2 dah x sanggup nak keluar..aku tetap tunggu. at last 2 tahun dah berlalu,aku dapat sekejap rasa happy. tp sekejap je..lepas tu dah stahun berlalu sumenye hanya dipinjamkan sekejap je kat aku. Now, I'm feeling so hurt again. Terlampau sakit. Kali ni aku rasa lg teruk dr yg dulu2. Xtau kenapa..tp mmg aku rasa sakit sgt.. Ya Allah, berilah aku kekuatan utk hadapi semua cabaran ni. Lepas ni aku bertaubat..xnk ulang lg kesilapan ni semua. terlampau sakit. I wish I will never fall in love again. Bercinta mmg indah, tp kalau sakit, mmg sakit sgt..derita hidup. Aku tau hati dia hati kering x pernah rasa apa yg aku rasa. sbb slama ni dia je yg buat aku. mcm2 dia dab buat kat aku. mmg derita hati dgn perasaan aku. Ya Allah, aku memohon kpd mu kau lupakanlah ingatan ku semua ini terhadap dia. Lupakanlah ingatan ku ni semua. padamkan lah emmori ini semua. aku dah xnak ingat lgsg apa2 psl aku dgn dia. I wish I could move on..

how people change drastically

I don't know how the hell people that u love can change in just in a blink of eyes. this is shit. I know people just using me when they feel they need me. Yeah use me as u wish. but i've my limit. I've totally lost respect to you. This is how u treat me. throw me away as u wish. Call me back lookin for me when ur in need. WTF?? what kind of animal you are? Anyways, were you born like this?? maybe...i don't know. maybe you were not taught about how to appreciate people..or at least treat people nice? Animal is way far kind than you. I've been feeling so hurt since i met you. but i know i'm stupid..cuz i stuck with you. I guess 'was' stuck with you. It's ok..Rite now u know wut, i started to feel a bit irritating in this heart when i hear your name or even to imagine you. I'm sorry. I guess i've lost my patience. I used to adore you my dear past-soon-to-be...now..humm...speechless.. it's plain..and starting to be more plain. Well lucky you I try not to hate you..

counting the days.

As time flies....days changing...i'm counting the days...not much time left. I know I'll be missing you alot..No one could describe this, how i feel. it's sad. so sad. behind every smile i put, there's a frown.. each time i think about this..i cry inside... i don't know how to go on like this... I hope time could stop for a while. I just can't believe it until now that this is happening. How people can change in a second... I love you so much.. im missing you everyday.. Next year will be the year of my sadness. I have to face my life alone.. I swear you won't ever see me again after this..and I don't want to meet you by any chance cuz this hurts me so bad.. im sorry. in a few months, you won't hear bout me anymore..i'll be totally dissappear from your life. bye. i miss you. I love you.